Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
