If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
