It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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