I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
