I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My vagina is officially offended.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
