3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
