They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
