This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
