In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
