I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
