Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
