I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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