im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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