I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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