My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
