you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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