Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize