No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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