I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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