So drunk its hurt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
