I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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