I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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