Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
