I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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