it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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