A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
