it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
