Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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