please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
