I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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