smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
