Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
