Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
