I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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