Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
