In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
