Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
