I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
