I'm really into asian looking animals
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
