Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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