I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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