My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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