definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
