I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
