We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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