why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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