I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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