oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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