my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
