I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
