I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
