I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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