God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
