Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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