Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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