Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
