So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
