you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
