dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
