I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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