no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
