oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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