Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
