Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
