You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
