I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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