Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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