Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
