woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
