ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize