I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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